- This is truly a rough cut. I haven't been able to do any editing on the last minutes of the video. I also decided to rewrite the end of my script which I haven't been able to re-record yet, so the video isn't as long as I wanted it to be.
- I know that the editing and pauses are a bit awkward. I'm still trying to figure out a cadence that makes sense with the video. I would prefer if you focused on the content, like my argument and evidence, rather than that stuff.
- I think that the exposition of the video, and the explanation of the situation, is really well displayed. I think I made it really easy to understand the issue without losing all the details. I also think I incorporated multiple quotes relatively well.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
Here is the Rough Cut of my video. I think, although it is truly "rough", it shows my argument relatively effectively.
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Hello Gabby!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so from my understanding of your video essay, you are arguing that the lack of governmental resources used to improve towns under a certain poverty line causes horrible events like the Flint, Michigan water scandal. Furthermore, you suggest a solution to these problems as rewriting policy and increasing national taxes.
If the solution to your argument is to increase taxes, which is a sore point for many people, I think you are going to need emotional appeals to your audience to be persuasive. Your essay right now does a fantastic job of explaining the situation logically, but if you want to persuade people of your solutions, emotion would help.
You mentioned in your video the effects lead had on the children of the town. Maybe find interview footage and pictures that show the devastating effects of the lead on the people an not only on the physical appearance of the town.
If you can add these emotional appeals to your essay, I think it will really help to move people to accepting that heightened taxed would be a great solution to the problem.
Good start! I enjoyed watching your video :)
Erica Mohr
Hi Gabby,
ReplyDeleteAfter watching your rough cut, I must give you props for getting so much of it done! I have nothing to say about your form, I think you developed your video essay perfectly. However, the content is where I might add a few suggestions:
I agree with you about the first half of your video, nothing needs to be changed; you explained the situation and its history clearly. However, I think your argument could use a little more opinion. I understand that you have an argument and a solution; but you should explain why that is the perfect solution. People will not be able to agree with you if you do not convince them. Best of luck, you are off to an awesome start. :)
Sofia Haserot
Hi Gabby! Here's a peer review based on content:
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you've developed your argument very well with plenty of quotes and evidence like you said. What you're going to want to be careful about is being very clear in what each of these pieces of evidence means for the big picture in your argument. I suggest maybe mentioning or giving a hint at that your solution is policy driven at the beginning of your video essay (like a thesis) so that the viewer can keep that in mind and be able to connect it to all the points you make as the video essay develops. You've cited your sources well by giving explanations of who said what and a little about that person, so I think you're good there. Overall good job!