Peer Review 13b

For this peer review I looked at Jack Aulsen's standard college essay on the use of security in the US. His argument is that although security is important, the degree to which terrorism is used as an excuse is unacceptable.

1. I decided to make a suggestion about the flow of the essay, specifically about the large amount of paragraphs he used. I felt that there were too many and it was quite overwhelming to read. The flow in my mind was consistently interrupted.
2. I think combining a few of the paragraphs will make it easier for the reader to follow his excellent points. I also think it well help the reader connect adjunct ideas rather than separating them out.
3. I think I could take his amount of detail and add it to my own project; I definitely feel that it is lacking in exposition and could take example from Jack.