This production week, I posted my introductory and closing paragraphs in my blog posts. I think they are a great start to a professional and convincing paper. However, I also think that they could be developed even more as my ideas develop in my body paragraphs. Here is the working
link to my rough draft.
- I think that it is important for my reviewers to know that there are many possible genres to post in within the environmental field, but journal articles and blog posts are the genres that were the primary focuses of my interviews. I chose to focus only on two because there is so much information for both of them, and in order to cover all of it I felt it was best to only focus them.
- I think that there are points in my paragraphs, especially in the closing paragraph, where the direction and drive seems to get lost. My thoughts seem to wander and become on focused from the previous one. I need to really sit down and focus on each idea and see if it makes sense.
- I think the language I used is appropriate for an academic essay, but is still accessible to people who may not be familiar with the genres and their conventions. This is important for a good argument essay, and I think I really nailed this convention.
Hey Gabby, I've decided to do a content review for your project.
ReplyDeleteCurrently, your project has great content. You are very thorough with the content you explain. For example, you paint a very vivid image of both genres, and their striking differences. You give the impression that blog posts will overrule Scholarly journal, and you provide adequate reasoning as to why. In my opinion you adequately understand the assignment, and you paper reflects that.
However, I believe the formatting and thought progression of your paper needs a touch up. For example, you employ the use of paragraphs that are well over a page long, and within those paragraphs they each have different ideas. It would be advantageous to split those ideas up into different paragraphs -- it will be it easier for the reader to understand your points, and it also creates a better logical flow. For example, maybe split your interview findings and your rhetorical analysis into two different paragraphs.
The sources and citations in your paper are splendid. Each one is credible and you effectively included it in your writing, which ultimately made you more credible.
To close, your paper is on a great start. It honestly has all of the content required in this assignment. The only problem I found with it is that the logical flow needs to be illustrated better. Good luck on your revisions!
Hey Gabrielle!
ReplyDeleteI decided to do a peer review of your project because I haven't seen many college essays, especially for this project and I wanted to see how you did on yours.
Here are a few comments I have for copy-editing:
-As far as content and language usage, you have done a very good job.
-I really like that the language you used allowed for a broad audience
-As far as design, there's not very much to work with since this an essay, so your project looks good on that.
-Lastly, I saw that you included several sources for you bibliography, but I saw hardly any in-text citations within your essay. If you were doing a QRG that would be fine, but an essay requires more in-text citations, so definitely add more of those in there.
-Other than that, the content of your essay is very well organized and in-depth, just cite yourself more.
1. The essay definitely meets the criteria. it includes examples and explanations. There are good transitions from what the examples say and the interpretation of what it represents.
ReplyDelete2. It is pretty well detailed. There is in depth analysis of what very simple things can offer for rhetorical strategies. There are great explanations of why small things that may go unnoticed are important to certain genres.
3. The sources used are effective and seem credible. I would suggest losing some of the detail about the process of publishing a scientific journal and increasing the detail about the rhetoric for the journal genre. The blog post seems to have plenty of detail, but the journal information seems to have excessive information about publishing that is really unimportant, in my opinion, when discussing, ethos, pathos, and logos. Also, there seemed to be a lot of focus on ethos in this genre, but not really any logos information, which may be a small addition which could be made about how that's included in both genres, maybe how they differ in that respect.
Hey Gabby,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late post but I've already commented on your work during class time.
Just to mention a few of things I noticed from an already outstanding essay, which could use touch ups on form.
- Your form could use a few touch ups, especially from the draft I saw on Tuesday.
- Passive voice needs to be avoided when possible, replacing to be verbs with verbs that are more specific to the situation and have more power.
- Use more formal language, especially when introducing your own ideas or opinions, as we are appealing to a more well known audience here that is reading a college level essay.
- Using both of these would fit the style of the college essay better.
- Also, quotes need to be incorporated more frequently into your body sections, as they will provide the level of credibility you need for a higher education essay.
From the looks of your work through, you have a great essay so far and content wise, it is very educational.