Local Revision: Wordiness

narciso1, "Words Doubtful Pessimistic Pessimist Hesitant" via pixabay.com on 01/2015
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As a writer, I tend to have the bad habit of inputing too much detail because I want to ensure that my point gets across. In the end, it usually leaves me at a disadvantage as well as with a long wall of text that is hard to read. A good example is of this is in the third segment of my podcast.

Before Revision:

The SoCal Gas Company isn't the face of all evil. Most of the people working for this company are just trying to make a living and feed their families, and persecuting them is going after the little guy. However, like most traditional energy companies, the way SoCal gets the gas is outdated and environmentally disastrous. They seem to care mostly about profit and not necessarily the people that they have to squash to get at it. The legality of their actions is at times questionable, although their acting CEO and President Dennis Arriola has been involved with many charitable organizations as well as other environmentally friendly energy companies. The face of their organization, their website, is dedicated to showing the friendly side of the company, the side that provides natural gas energy at half the cost of their competitors. The sad fact is, they failed to notify the residents of Porter Ranch before the leak became a large problem. On October 23rd, 2015, the SoCalGas company released an official announcement of a leak in one of their natural gas wells, well after the leak had started, and soon after residents began to complain of illness. They began drilling relief wells in attempts to shut off the leak, but to no avail. The relocation of the Porter Ranch community needed to begin immediately, and the company released an official statement that " [They] understand that each family’s situation is unique and every individual reacts differently to the odorant used in our natural gas. To that end, our temporary relocation specialists take a careful case-by-case approach for each request, attempting to the best of our ability, to meet each request with sensitivity and excellent customer service." Yet in recent developments, it has been implied that SoCalGas has been rather "difficult" in providing assistance to those who a required to move. Although they have announced the official budget for moving each family, their estimates are not the most accurate, according to some residents. Needless to say, in between their bouts of itching and vomiting, they were angry, and wanted retribution.

After Revision:

SoCal Gas isn't the face of all evil. The people working for them are just trying to make a living, and persecuting them is pointless. However, like most traditional energy companies, the way they get their gas is outdated and environmentally disastrous. They seem to care only about profit and not the people that they have to squash to get at it. The legality of their actions is at times questionable, although their acting CEO Dennis Arriola has been involved with charitable organizations as well as other environmentally friendly energy companies. Their website is dedicated to showing the friendly side of the company that provides natural gas energy at half the cost of their competitors. The fact is, they failed to notify the residents of Porter Ranch before the leak became a problem. On October 23rd, 2015, the SoCalGas company released an official announcement of a leak in one of their natural gas wells, after the leak had started, and soon after residents began to complain of illness. They began drilling relief wells in attempts to shut off the leak, but they have failed so far. The relocation of Porter Ranch needed to begin immediately, and the company released an official statement that "[They] understand that each family’s situation is unique and every individual reacts differently to the odorant used in our natural gas. To that end, our temporary relocation specialists take a careful case-by-case approach for each request, attempting to the best of our ability, to meet each request with sensitivity and excellent customer service." In recent developments, SoCalGas has been rather "difficult" in assisting those who are required to move. Although they have announced the official budget for moving each family, their estimates are not the most accurate, according to some residents. Needless to say, in between their bouts of itching and vomiting, they were angry, and wanted retribution.

I had a very hard time trimming the paragraph, and I think that is visually very obvious. I value each of the words I put in the paragraph. I think removing them took away from my overall voice, and really made the story less interesting.