Local Revision: Sentence Variety

gari, "Paint Colors Design Variety Crayons Child's Play" via pixabay.com 02/07/2014
Public Domain Dedication License

Sentence structure can be very tricky. Some sentences are short. Some are quite a bit lengthy, depending on the content. Others are beautifully complex, full to the brim with descriptive language; the subject of said sentence does not matter, only that the reader feel complete after reading it.

 How much variation is there in your sentence structures in the current draft? Can you spot any repetitive or redundant sentence patterns in your writing? Provide a cogent analysis of what the Rules for Writers reading tells you about your sentences.

• Personally, I feel that I not have enough simple sentences within my prose. Simple sentences are required in order to give the reader a break; they are easier to piece together than compound/complex sentences. More often than not, my sentences could use a bit of simplicity to help the flow. I could also switch around the parts of the sentence at some points. For example, in my second paragraph, rather than, "Each neighbor has their role in the community, be it working at the local charter school or at the branch of the L.A. library...", I could have written it as, "Be it working at the local school or at the branch of the L.A. library, each neighbor has their role in the community..."

What about paragraph structures, including transitions between different paragraphs (or, for video/audio projects, different sections of the project)? 

• In order to indicate transitions between sections of my audio podcast, I chose to put in sections of music. I think it helps the reader digest whatever information was given in the previous section. The sentences at the end of each section creates a "closing statement" kind of feeling, which helps as well.

 What about vocabulary? Is there variety and flavor in your use of vocabulary? What are the main strengths and weaknesses of the draft's approach to vocabulary?

• I feel that I tried my best in order to use interesting and engaging language, using words that invoke imagery such as "Billowing" or "Vomiting". It is a possibility that I could input even more descriptive words, like replacing the phrase "Working for" with "Employed by".